Wretched man that i am

So I am out in my yard when I notice my neighbor also outside. I hurry inside, not wanting to look at him little long speak to him , and at the same time, acknowledge how wrong this response is. So I quickly pray for my neighbor because I know in the past, prayer has created love where none seemed to exist.
The person I needed to pray for first is me. I recognized my inablility to muster up anything vaguely resembling love, but I did not recognize my total inability to love. I was filled with me: my thoughts, my opinions, my self effort. I did not recognize my inability to a level of desperation that caused me to cry out to God on my own behalf. I did not recognize my desperate state. Two of us are drowing, and I pray for my neighbor to be saved, but I do not cry out for my own rescue. I believe wrongly that I can get myself out of this mess. I want to love my neighbor, I truly do, but I find myself unable to do that (sound like something from Romans?) yet I struggle vainly to be a better neighbor.
I have forgotten the end of that chapter - Who is it that will rescue me? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! I know I have forgotten because I did not cry out to Him for help. It seems I am unaware of the verse before that states, "Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?" I do not acknowledge my own wretchedness - "after all that neighbor does so many things that just rub me the wrong way! Just last week...." and I hurry into prayer for him. I do not look at me. I have become temporarily blind to my own state. I have listened to lies that say the problem is with my neighbor rather than with me. I have been led away from the Truth. Inside of me is the Holy Spirit, the One Who empowers me; the source of Love. It is He Who empowers me to put "to death the deeds of the body." My self effort has to die. I must cry out to Him, asking Him, the source of Love, to fill me with love. I must be emptied of self so that I can be filled with Him. And then, He will love through me and my neighbor will see Him and not me.